Recruitment Drive

Note: The following is a journal entry of a fictional CEO of ABC company:

I have just finished my meeting with my human resource team. Since the company is expanding, we need more people. In fact, I am very pleased with the recruitment strategy proposed and the advertisement prepared by the human resource team. At least I know I am paying good money to these people. The advert goes as follows:

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JOB OPPORTUNITY

ABC is a leading company in the industry and is seeking to expand over the next few years. We are currently looking for talented people to support this growth. Opportunities available as follows:

Position: Junior Analyst

We are looking for enthusiastic people with the passion to excel with the company. The candidate must be willing to put in the extra hours and has superb analytical skills. The candidate must be a team player and willing to support other team members, not limiting to photocopying documents, buying lunch/ dinner, making coffee and tea, and other value added roles. Drive for personal development and ability to adept changes is a must.

You must have a recognised university degree with an excellent academic track record. Experience in the industry will be an added advantage.

Max gross pay of RM2,100 a month.

Position: Managers/ Senior Managers

We are looking for people with lots of contacts and guarantee that they can bring in existing clients to the company. The candidate must be able to present themselves among clients and display ability to interact with people in order to seek marketing opportunities.

University degree and professional qualification are not important and does not add any advantage for this position.

Analytical skills are not required as you will be supported by a team of junior analyst.

Candidate must be able to work effectively via smart delegation.

Ability to suck-up to the boss is an added advantage.

Candidates will be tested for their ability to bullshit as part of the requirement for the above position.

Min gross pay of RM10,000 a month with company benefits such as car allowance and healthcare benefits.

Successful candidate will be notified. If you have not heard from us within 3 days of your application, that means you have failed our CV screening test.

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So far, I have received hundreds of enquiries for Managers and Senior Managers position but only one enquiry for Junior Analyst position. I am not sure the reason for the lack of response for the Junior Analyst position since we are paying above market rate! Perhaps I should not fire the temporary trainee (for mistakenly calling me the janitor) and promote her to Junior Analyst as a short term measure to the shortage of Junior Analyst. She is lucky…for now.